Transparancy

"Be transparant!" "Be yourself, don't be afraid to be who you are infront of people." Those are just a few of the thousands of one liners my mom would put out there every chance she had. I would always just nod and smile and think, "I am being myself, how can I be anyone else?" But you know what? I was wrong. I was so wrong! I had a very eye-opening experience this past week or so and it was much needed. I had a very frank, heart to heart with my parents and for some reason everytime we have one of these very serious, heart revealing talks, my parents and I, what they say never leave me and impact me so much that I am finally able to realize how much of a sinner I am and how inadequate I am. I cannot fix myself by myself. Only God can change me, fix me, mold me.

The main thing that I learned (and the only thing that I don't have too much of a problem with telling everyone about by internet) is that it is pivital for me to be transparent. How? By being so sure of who I am in Christ and my identity that I have in Him, that I don't mind what other people think of me but that all I care about is what God thinks of me. So many people feel that they need to be someone else for people to like them, because if they should dare to show people who they trully are then they will be rejected. Some, like myself, were/are willing to deal with the fact of being "fake-or someone they are not" then with being rejected. I would constantly adapt to my environment (like a cameleon). I would scout out the people I would be hanging around and get a grasp of who they are and what kind of people they would normally hang out with, then I would become that person. I would become the person that they would like and have fun with and hang out with. I was so scared of being unliked, rejected, and hated that I wasn't true to myself.

It took a stern talking to from my dad, seeing the depth of his dissapointment in his eyes, and hearing the sound of his heart breaking that made me realize one very important thing. If a person does not like me for who I am, then they are not worth it! After so long of being a modern day, human cameleon I didn't know exactly who I was or the real value I do have. This has been a constant struggle in my life, starting around the summer of my 10th grade year but really all my life, the struggle of realizing the value I have in Christ and not settling for anything less than what I am trully worth. My dad has me reading the book "Stomping out the darkness" by Neil T. Anderson and Dave Park. In the book I read a quote by Josh McDowell and have dubbed it the quote of the day.

quote of the day: by Josh McDowell, "If you ever put a price tag on yourself, it would have to read 'Jesus'. His death on the cross was the payment for our sins. You are 'worth Jesus' to God because that is what He paid for you."